I find myself wishing she could share the fun things that we have going on. I wish she could laugh with me at the funny things my kids do. I wish EmmaLynn had a chance to get to know her and love her as much as I loved her. and have a chance to have another Grandma who loved her to pieces. I feel like my kids miss so much without having another Grandma around.. I will always miss her and I frequently find myself in tears thinking about what we could have done. But alas, I know that she is freed from her ailments here on earth and she is busy as ever on the other side of the vale, using all the knowledge she gained here to help teach others there. I am grateful to know I will be able to see her again someday. I am so thankful to everything she taught and still teaches me. I will always miss her and will always ache for her. I will always wish she could be here but at the same time would not change anything, because who I am now, came from everything we went through as a family. Love you Mom, and I will always miss you.
Monday, May 24, 2010
One Year Ago Today...
Today marks 1 year since I got the news that my Mom passed away. I still feel sad, so much some times it hurts. The hardest days were her Birthday, Christmas, Ezyas's birth, and Mother's day. I am sure there will still be many hard days ahead. I remember the day a year ago so vividly. I was sitting at church waiting for it to start while Dan was at choir practice. I got a call from my dad, I answered it not expecting to get the news I got. He told me my mom had passed away this morning. I was completely shocked. All I could do was reply " what? when? How?" Although I knew the day would come, I wasn't prepared for it to be so abrupt. I thought it might happen slowly, so as to give me time to come home and see her once more before she was gone. Sometimes I regret having moved so far away. I think if I'd have stayed close to home I could have spent more time with her. EmmaLynn might have had some memories of her and might have known her better, or I could have asked her more about baby stuff. I am sure she wouldn't have wanted me to change our lives around to wait for her. She was happy for us going to Florida and although I wish I could have visited more frequently, she understood.
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2 comments:
This left me a little teary eyed. What a well written and sweet little tribute to your mother! Hope you're doing well my friend. :)
I grew up with no Grandmother. My Mother's mom passed away before I was born and my Dad's mom, well, she wasn't a family person and I never really saw her so I don't really count her as one (it was her choice to not be around). All I can say is this. I didn't know my maternal Grandmother in this life, but I know her.
I really don't know how to describe this well. I never felt alone growing up. I always felt like my Grandmother was with me. It still does feel that way. I might not have had those special 'grandmother/father' moments, but what I feel is just as special to me because I know I can feel her presence and her love.
I honestly believe that your children with have that same feeling. Your Mom will always be there with them.
Does this make sense?
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